Today I have to say goodbye to a friend. She was only thirty and she lit up every room she was in. She had a filthy mouth and got away with saying the most offensive shit. She had a heart the size of Texas, especially when it came to animals. Her name was Brianna.
I had to say goodbye to another friend last week. He was only thirty five. He had impeccable taste in music and some of the sharpest wit I’ve ever had the pleasure of laughing at. He took care of everyone around him selflessly. His name was Tommy.
This isn’t some kind of post warning about the dangers of drugs. Neither of my friends were the cause of their own death. They were just unlucky. This post is just to remind you all that not everything that happens in life is positive, and that’s okay. I would feel disingenuous if I shared all of the happy things that happen to me but skipped over the sad things that are shaping my days. Some days are better than others. Some days I come home and sit on the kitchen floor and cry. Some days I smile, remembering something I shared with Bri or Tommy.
When I miss Bri, I drink a super cold cherry bomb at the bar where we used to work together. It tastes terrible, but it was her favorite and it makes me feel close to her. When I miss Tommy I listen to some obscure but oddly popular songs from the 90s and 2000s, like “Ooh La La” by The Faces or “How Bizarre” by OMC. It reminds me of how he used to surprise me with music from that era during the music trivia game he ran.
I’m not used to taking my time. I try not to feel guilty about taking time out to remember them. Remember, you should never feel like you’re behind or you’re not “getting over it” fast enough. Take the time you need to heal, however long it takes and whatever that process looks like for you, so that one day you can look back fondly but without tears or regrets. Loss is an unfortunate part of living, but the relationships we forge in this life are more than worth the pain of the loss of them.