I wanted to take today to remind you all to do something that scares you. Don’t do something stupid. Don’t walk into traffic or have a “hold my beer moment.” Do something that will better your life but that scares the hell out of you.
I’ve been trying to do more of these things over the last few months. If you’ve followed our blog at all, you may have read about the issues I’ve been having with fear when horseback riding. I’ve been working on this for a while now, and there are some days that are better and some days that are worse, but usually I err on the side of caution. Yesterday, I took a leap of faith, and just rode Bones outside (for the first time in probably almost two years). It may not sound like a lot. Woo-hoo you rode a horse in the outdoors, where they live…big deal. But our outdoor arena is much larger than the indoor, which means if Bones wants to run away with me when he gets mad, he has a lot more room. It’s also right near the road. This opens up a whole host of possibilities for scaring my already somewhat skittish horse. Trucks and trailers hitting potholes can send him into a hissy fit. The neighbors mowing the lawn, the neighbors walking their horse down the road, the wind being too loud, a ladder rattling, a chair or a shovel being in the “wrong” place have all gotten a reaction out of my horse before. God forbid someone ride by on a motorcycle. So usually I slowly introduce him to the outdoor arena, over a few weeks, and starting with me on the ground rather than in the saddle. But yesterday, I said, “Fuck it” and just went for it. I hopped in the saddle outside like I’ve been doing it regularly the last few years, and my boy took good care of me. We didn’t do anything fancy, but he did everything I asked and even managed to hold it together when some moron honked his horn directly next to us.
A few months ago, I started doing the same at the gym. I am, and have always been, terrified of heights. Like standing on a stool. So I have watched people do rope climbs to the ceiling of my crossfit gym for the year I’ve been working out there, and just marveled at how so many people are the same brand of completely insane. But one day, we were doing a workout called Tommy V, which requires an absurd amount of rope climbs. I did the usual modification and practiced the footwork for rope climbs on the pull up rig. I finished the workout absurdly early, because that modification was too easy. So my coach, Nick, told me that next time I should do regular rope climbs. I assume the face I made gave me away, because immediately after that, he asked if I was afraid of heights. He told me I could start by climbing halfway up, and then just doing that twice, to get used to the idea. As I watched the rest of the class continue the workout, I kind of got pissed. If all of these people can do like 27 rope climbs in a workout, there is no reason I can’t do one. So I decided to go for it. I got about halfway up, looked down, and decided it wasn’t so scary, so I climbed the rest of the way to the top. Once there, I realized how high up I was and completely freaked out. I had a death grip on the rope that I somehow had to loosen in order to come down. Once I finally made it to the ground, my entire body was shaking and my heart was pounding like crazy. But I had done it. After a few minutes, I had calmed down, and I decided to do a second rope climb, just to prove to myself it wasn’t that scary. So I did another one. It was definitely easier than the first. Now, when rope climbs are part of the workout, I usually modify about half of them. They still get my heart pounding from fear, which is not great when you’re trying to complete a workout, but they’re slowly getting easier.
I’ve got a few more scary leaps planned for myself down the road, and I’m sure I’ll come up with some other small ones at the spur of the moment. The more I think about it, the more I realize that a lot of my favorite experiences started with some fear and a leap. That’s how I decided to go to grad school, how I decided to buy Bones, how I decided to join Crossfit 8 Mile, how I decided to move in with Seth, and how I decided to ask for a job working on Lake Erie (and got it). A little fear can be a good way to know where your boundaries are, and to push yourself just little further out of your comfort zone. And if you never push yourself, how are you going to grow? What I’m trying to say really has already been said best by Susan Jeffers. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” How are you going to surprise yourself if you never take a chance?