Seth and I both recently graduated, him with his bachelor’s degree and me with my master’s degree. We went to two different schools and aside from school, Seth maintained one job and I maintained between two and three (yes I am insane). To say it was a challenge to spend time together was an understatement. Many days the only time I saw Seth was when I got home from working at the bar or when I got up early to leave for school or to teach. Often he was asleep when I came home and still sleeping when I left again. On the occasions when he got up before me, I was often so dead asleep that I don’t remember him kissing me goodbye before he left. Even when we were both home at the same time, we had homework to do, and in my case I had grading to do for my lab as well. That many distractions and that much time apart can be a strain on a relationship. So here are the main ways we survived the craziness:
- Always hug and kiss – This is a big one for us. Whenever we say hello or goodbye. It’s always a hug, a kiss, or preferably both. It’s an easy way to show affection, even if you’re in a hurry. And studies show hugs are good for you!
- Set aside one day a week – We wrangled our crazy schedules to make sure we had at least one day a week where both of us were home. Even if you’re just on the couch doing homework together, the act of being conscious in the same room together is important. Even if you’re busy, you feel better together, and you can crack jokes and take turns making more tea or grabbing another beer.
- Send a quick text – We made sure to text each other during the day. Even if it’s just a quick “Hope your day is going well” between classes or a picture of your favorite lunchtime hangout, it’s nice to know your partner is thinking of you.
- Cut each other some extra slack – When you’re exhausted from being constantly busy, it’s easy to snap at each other. All you want to do is relax, but there’s school work to do, dishes and laundry to be done, and you still have to go to work later! Sometimes it doesn’t all get done, or you do it but it makes you cranky and it’s easy to blame your partner for your exhaustion or the mess. But take a breath and remind yourself that they are working just as hard as you are and it’s okay if you wait a little longer on the laundry (as long as you have clean underwear!).
- Be silly as much as you can – I’m sure I could come up with a bunch of examples of this, but we’ll stick with laundry. It used to pile up SO HIGH it felt like all of our clothes were in the dirty pile. To combat my annoyance at how the laundry always seemed to need doing, I nicknamed our laundry pile “Laundry Mountain”. It made the laundry feel like a part of the family instead of like an impending chore. Plus a good laugh goes a long way when you’re having a rough day.
- Take pride in each other’s accomplishments – When your partner comes home with a stellar test score or you aced a presentation, make sure you celebrate together. It helps to be invested in each other’s success. Even a high-five or a celebratory snack together before getting back down to business can help you feel like you’re progressing toward your goals together.
- Talk about your day in detail – Even if you don’t have time to talk in depth for several days, make sure that once you do, you talk details. Tell your partner everything you remember about how your last few days went and ask questions about theirs. What did they have for lunch Tuesday? Did they enjoy their class Wednesday? What did they learn? This all may seem insignificant, but the act of sharing those little details can make you feel close even when you can’t spend as much time together as you’d like.
- Motivate each other – When one of us is having an especially rough day, the other often takes the time to remind them that the end is in sight. We remind each other what our goals are, that we have a plan to achieve them sooner rather than later, and that everything we’re doing now is leading up to that goal we both are excited about. Focusing on that future makes the bad days easier to manage, especially together.
What do you do to feel close to your partner or your friends when you’re too busy to even think straight? Share your suggestions with us!